i’m only writing this because it’s his birthday today. he’s 24. he’s the one who got away for me. or i’m the one who got away for him. i don’t actually remember how it went. i do remember, though, that it’s been 7 years now. and i still remember his birthday, what a fool i am.

and i only made out with him that one time, but man was i into it then. i’m a fool.

so have a fucking happy birthday. it’s weird cause before, i’d always wondered if i’d ever even see him again, and when i did i realized what a loser he was.

i met you on the internet. okay, that makes both of us sound so pathetic. well, actually maybe you are. i don’t really know you well enough to make that distinction. i’m pretty sure i’m not that pathetic, though. at least, gosh, i hope not.

the first time we actually met was at my work. you liked my taste in movies and books or something. at least the ones i had listed on my profile. what can i say? i have great taste. you were already drunk and i was totally sober. i caught up to you, i guess? i have this problem with throwing around money when i’m drinking. i bought all of your drinks.

things were weird cause i was still seeing my ex. that’s another story for another day, but things are really complicated and i’ll probably always love him. i didn’t even know you. anyways, we made out a little. you were awful at it, and i hoped that it was just because you were drunk.

and you were sort of the most intense guy i’d ever met. i’m not sure if it was because i told you that i was moving in a couple of weeks or if you were really that into me or what, but you scared the hell out of me. but i still liked you. i don’t know.

and i think that’s how this story is gonna continue to go. i don’t leave for another two weeks, and i don’t know. i think i like you. i know i still like him, and i know i can’t have either of you cause i’m moving across the country. i’ve lived here for 5 years now, and i’ve never had guys throw themselves at me like this. suddenly i have a month left, and i have two kinda awesome dudes who are into me. bah,

Is it a crush…? or it is lust?…and what’s the difference?…..that what always fucks me up….

he used to come in Thursdays and Fridays, just as we were about to lock the doors….30 seconds to go and I’d given up for the day, hating my job; the only reason I stayed was because I breathed better, all week..just seeing him for 5 minutes…10,9,8,7,6,5, and in he’d come..knowing I would see him..made getting up for work fun……he wasn’t eye candy at all….older, rounder, sloppier…didn’t give a fuck…that air about him turned me on….we passed the usual pleasantries that went with my job and then broke into the personal ground…….

me, red faced and trembling…..:”You make me nervous.”….Him..:”Why?, do I know too much about you (side story)?…..me: “What do you now about me?!”…him: “I know that you are….adventurous….smart….and beautiful……(intense look)….got closer after that….

Long story short…..the sexual tension that was in the air between us was thick enough to choke anyone watching….yet we were both maintaining.. we are both married, we both know we want each other…but neither of us wants to call the other out on it…I quit my job…last time I saw him he was asking “When are we going out for drinks?” Then back to the same “How’s life, how’s things…that shit….both walking away from each other unsatisfied… flying just from the rush of seeing each other…I swear, the next time I see him…I’m gonna sip that drink…