i used to date a girl in highschool. we were good friends at the time, and we had other good friends, it was fun. we would drink 40s at noon and go back to math class drunk. we also built potato guns out of pvc pipe and aqua net. we also bought a raft and spent a lot of time drinking beers off shore— it’s strange, but when you’re like 18, there are few things better than like drinking outside and falling asleep on an inflatable boat and waking up, sunburnt, stuck on some drift wood a few cities away.

anyways, i’m not going to tell any more secrets about her— i’m saving them. i will say, though, that when we would play laser tag in the grocery store, i would sometimes catch her lingering in the deodorant aisle. she would always play laser tag dressed in a white wife beater and camo pants. she was always trying to find the right deodorant to use, and while sweaty and carrying a laser-weapon, she would sometimes take a quick look around, then grab one and yank the cap off, and peel off the aluminum safety seal, and then rub some on her armpits.

to this day, i always check to see if the aluminum is still there. i dated her a long time ago and a lot of stuff happened and, trust me, i’ve forgiven her, and i regret the things i did, but i just really don’t like the idea of her arm pits touching mine.