I was little bit older than she was, but even I was still very young. I don’t even remember how we met, and that isn’t important. It probably had something to do with internet.

We’d been hanging out and doing whatever all summer. I was about to go away to school so we’d decided not to get too serious. It was a good idea, but it didn’t work. We spent a lot of time doing things that our parents wouldn’t have approved of. Lots of blow jobs and cigarettes.

It had been a few months now, most of the summer, and we still hadn’t had sex. I’d only done it once before and I think she’d only done a few times. Or with a few people. I don’t really remember, and it isn’t that important. It was the night of the blackout, though. Remember? When half of the eastern seaboard was without power?

It was a Thursday. I know that. I know that because my friends and I always went to this stupid dance club on Thursdays. It was a place where we were allowed to be drunk, and we were kids, so being drunk meant stupid dancing was okay. I had gone this time, but I drove. So I didn’t drink. I was upset, too. There was no reason to be there without beers inside of me. She was on vacation, an hour away, so I called her. She was home. Alone. Her parents had sent her home to make sure that the house was okay, and she was going to go back the next morning. We’d have the house to ourselves! We could go down on one another in peace! In the living room!

I left my drunk friends to take cabs home and rushed to her house. I was excited to see her. Honestly. I don’t know if we were ever truly in love, but I did love to be with her. We were kids. We embraced and made out on the couch for what seemed to be hours. In between wet kisses and hurried breaths, we’d say a few words. Eventually, she stopped kissing me and gave me a strange look. She wanted to say something, but I guess she didn’t know how to say it. Or maybe she knew how she wanted to say it, but realized how silly it sounded. Either way, I could tell she wanted to say something, so I said, “What?” And her reply is something I’ll never forget.

“I kinda wanna hump.”

It was so cute and funny, yet it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now? Our first time? Right here and now? Okay. I was anxious. I ran to the car to get a condom from the glove compartment. I don’t know why they were there, but they were. I came back and she’d laid blankets all over the living room floor. I still don’t know why we didn’t do it on the couch or in her room or her parents’ room. It seemed like it would have made sense, but I don’t think I cared. We turned out the lights and got undressed the same way we had hundreds of times before, but this time I was nervous. Only a little bit. Maybe a lot. I don’t remember.

It was awkward. A bit. Eventually, the condom broke and we had to stop. I don’t really remember what we did after that. I don’t think I spent the night.

That summer, we said the L word and then we stayed together through my first semester away at school. We had sex a bunch of times after that, and I hope that they were all better than that one time.