I had started a new job in the city i had lived in for a few years. It was a new beginning, I was meeting new people. I was spending a lot of time there. He caught my eye when we were working. Actually, it was his stupid faux hawk that caught my eye. I didnt care, really, so i waited until we locked eyes for a minute. We did. Did i smile? I dont remember waving or anything. Heck, i didnt even know him.

The next time i saw him was the first time we talked. It was outside our work. I was on a quick cigarette break and he was leaving for the night. He left his bike outside during work. By the employee smoking area. Its a really nice bike and he has a bike lock for it, but he would never use it. I had found our prior to this that he intentionally leaves his bike unlocked for his respect in human nature. He left his trust in the hands of strangers, basically. This is what won me over. His theory was crazy but it was a person i wanted to befriend.

He walks out the door and past me. I think i caught his glance to see who i was. We avoided hellos, i was always the shy one with boys and i wasnt sure if he remembered me or not. He walked back my way, maybe he forgot something inside? But he stopped next to me. We exchanged “hey“‘s and names and made small talk. I stayed, i was almost done with my cigarette. I figured i could use that as my excuse to stay and talk to him as much as possible, if he asked. Though i figured he wouldnt. He stayed but im not sure why. We shared a strange comforting silence in-between topics to talk about. Like we had been friends already. It wasnt a long conversation and my cigarette had been out for a few minutes now, but it was his eyes and i couldnt look away. Theyre blue, i remember. That was the moment he won me over. Maybe i creeped him out or maybe i was being respectful to his story about whatever the heck he was saying. I wasnt paying attention. I was too distracted by how much i wanted to get to know him more, but more importantly kiss him. Was i allowed to just cut him off in the middle of a sentence, walk up to him and just kiss him? Simply because its what i felt. I convinced myself that was absolutely crazy and we said our goodbyes. He got on his bike and i went back to work.

It was a few days later and we had plans to hang out with mutual friends. It was a fun night of seeing a band, going to the local dive bar near my house and later returning to my apartment. After everyone went to bed or left to go home we ended up on the porch together. Thanks to my embarrassing habit of smoking cigarettes and an excuse to talk without waking the roommates. It must have been an hour or two. It felt like more as a result of all the jack and ginger’s i consumed earlier. It was a night too cold for the beginning of spring, we headed inside. We sat on my bed and talked for what seemed like another hour or two. 5 am rolled around and i asked him to stay the night. I didnt want him to have to catch a long, expensive cab ride home and i wanted a body to sleep next to. It had been a while. I had no plans of kissing him, making out or anything further that that. Or rather, none of that was even on my mind. We were under the blankets and we were tired. He was rubbing his feet together non stop. I cracked a cheesy joke about it. Was he nervous? Or was it a weird habit he’s always had? We laid as close to each other without touching. I’m not sure why, i wasnt worried about it. I was just so excited to be with him. Instead, he grabbed my feet with his. “Theyre cold!” he said. “warm them up then” i responded. I doubt he could catch my smile in the darkness, but if he did it was because I fell asleep to him rubbing our feet together.

Ive never been a hand holding kind of person anyway.