i always got crushes on guys when i thought they had crushes on me. rarely did i ever have a crush spontaneously appear if i wasn’t almost sure he was crushing on me. and that’s why i liked him. i was almost positive that he wanted me too. and my friends that saw us interact thought so too. ashley was actually the one who convinced me to go after him when she assured me that it was a sure thing.

i’d known him through mutual friends for awhile, maybe a couple of years? i don’t remember anymore, and at this point it’s irrelevant. one of the things i thought was super endearing about him was this bald spot he had, slowly growing on the top of his head. i was dying to rub it and make out with him. maybe i’m weird.

regardless, i was sure he was into me, and when he came to my birthday party (i was wasted, obviously), he kissed me goodbye. i should have asked him to stay with me that night, i still regret that. after he left i ran into my roommates room and jumped on her bed and yelled excitedly about it for a few minutes. i’d hoped he’d already left our building, because if he hadn’t i’d be willing to bet he heard me.

then some bullshit happened, like it always does and nothing came from it right away. he got a girlfriend and i wasn’t looking for a boyfriend in the first place, although i was still bummed about it. we hooked up much later on, and to be honest, it was quite anti climatic. whenever i see him though, i still get some funny queasy feelings in my stomach about him - butterflies, i guess.