crushpedia.

happy birthday, asshole

Mon, 04 May 2009 11:59:00 -0400

i’m only writing this because it’s his birthday today. he’s 24. he’s the one who got away for me. or i’m the one who got away for him. i don’t actually remember how it went. i do remember, though, that it’s been 7 years now. and i still remember his birthday, what a fool i am.

and i only made out with him that one time, but man was i into it then. i’m a fool.

so have a fucking happy birthday. it’s weird cause before, i’d always wondered if i’d ever even see him again, and when i did i realized what a loser he was.

okcupid

Mon, 04 May 2009 11:53:00 -0400

i met you on the internet. okay, that makes both of us sound so pathetic. well, actually maybe you are. i don’t really know you well enough to make that distinction. i’m pretty sure i’m not that pathetic, though. at least, gosh, i hope not.

the first time we actually met was at my work. you liked my taste in movies and books or something. at least the ones i had listed on my profile. what can i say? i have great taste. you were already drunk and i was totally sober. i caught up to you, i guess? i have this problem with throwing around money when i’m drinking. i bought all of your drinks.

things were weird cause i was still seeing my ex. that’s another story for another day, but things are really complicated and i’ll probably always love him. i didn’t even know you. anyways, we made out a little. you were awful at it, and i hoped that it was just because you were drunk.

and you were sort of the most intense guy i’d ever met. i’m not sure if it was because i told you that i was moving in a couple of weeks or if you were really that into me or what, but you scared the hell out of me. but i still liked you. i don’t know.

and i think that’s how this story is gonna continue to go. i don’t leave for another two weeks, and i don’t know. i think i like you. i know i still like him, and i know i can’t have either of you cause i’m moving across the country. i’ve lived here for 5 years now, and i’ve never had guys throw themselves at me like this. suddenly i have a month left, and i have two kinda awesome dudes who are into me. bah,

sip that drink, girl

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 06:56:00 -0400

Is it a crush…? or it is lust?…and what’s the difference?…..that what always fucks me up….

he used to come in Thursdays and Fridays, just as we were about to lock the doors….30 seconds to go and I’d given up for the day, hating my job; the only reason I stayed was because I breathed better, all week..just seeing him for 5 minutes…10,9,8,7,6,5, and in he’d come..knowing I would see him..made getting up for work fun……he wasn’t eye candy at all….older, rounder, sloppier…didn’t give a fuck…that air about him turned me on….we passed the usual pleasantries that went with my job and then broke into the personal ground…….

me, red faced and trembling…..:”You make me nervous.”….Him..:”Why?, do I know too much about you (side story)?…..me: “What do you now about me?!”…him: “I know that you are….adventurous….smart….and beautiful……(intense look)….got closer after that….

Long story short…..the sexual tension that was in the air between us was thick enough to choke anyone watching….yet we were both maintaining.. we are both married, we both know we want each other…but neither of us wants to call the other out on it…I quit my job…last time I saw him he was asking “When are we going out for drinks?” Then back to the same “How’s life, how’s things…that shit….both walking away from each other unsatisfied… flying just from the rush of seeing each other…I swear, the next time I see him…I’m gonna sip that drink…

she's fucking crazy

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 15:15:00 -0400

In our life time, we have the fortunate (or for some, unfortunate) pleasure of meeting someone you truely love. Someone, that no matter where life takes both of you, be you seperated by continents, violently swept up by a tornado or a stampede of emus in mating season, whatever the case may be, no matter the distance, there will always be love in your heart for them. This has happened to me only twice. The second time proved to be my downfall, because I really love her, but she is fucking crazy!!!!

Ive lived in the Boston area for about two and a half years now and the first year there was spent frantically searching for some people I could relate to, a network of friends to rely on. Having accomplished this, I could move on to step 2., finding a mate. This proved MUCH harder then I thought, but luckily for me, I had friends, who knew cute friends, who in turn met me-simpliflying the job (compliments of Ms. K.H.C.). I found a girl who find me as amusing as I found her, which is a rare occasion for me (first flag should have gone up).

We went on a few days and everything was going well. In fact, things went well all the way till the end till she said “I dont want to be exclusive anymore.” Like I said, I love her to death, but shes fucking crazy! This, in all honesty should be a god send to me, to have the priviledge of sleeping with as many women as I want and have no regrets, but this was two months after being together. For two months nothing but sappy words of affection towards each other, like two overly passionate highschool lovers. And for two months I had the best sex I have ever had in my 23 years of living, why is it that the girls good in bed are always the ones crazy in the head.

And I love now, so much that I would walk to end of the earth for her…

…….but shes fucking crazy.

overcoming to be together

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 19:11:00 -0400

I remember everything about the night we met, except you. For that, I would have to look back at my journals from the time; Spring of 2002. I was only 15 but we were at a bar for a show. My best friend’s boyfriend – your best friend - drove us there and back, and on the way home you and I sat next to each other in the back seat, playing Frisbee within the small confines of the car. What came next was constant hanging out – you were 16 and could drive, so you would come to my house and watch The Simpsons, we would go to the diner, a friend’s house to smoke pot, or we used trips to the mall and Best Buy as excuses just to see each other. I really liked you, but I can’t remember why. Maybe there wasn’t just one reason; maybe it was everything.

The spring and warm weather defined our relationship – standing in my driveway and kissing under freshly blooming lilacs. Driving on 17 with the windows down. The way your Volkswagen Bug smelled on Easter. Buying Girl Scout cookies at the mall, the one vegan variety that I could eat. Me wearing a low cut tank top underneath my ever present blue hoody, and you pulling down the zipper to see if I was even wearing a shirt underneath. Us being teens and carefree, except that I wasn’t careless; I really liked you and one day you just stopped calling. Stopped driving to my house. I was crushed mainly because I didn’t know why. Mostly because I thought this could be my first real relationship, and it wasn’t.

The worst part was that I couldn’t escape you, but I guess that was a blessing in disguise. Our best friends were dating (and still are now), and shows and parties always included both of us, so the awkwardness and any uncomfortable feelings I had were forced to vanish. It would have been too much if I had continued to be upset. But I was, secretly, even throughout all the boys in the future. And I was crushed when you started dating that girl – the one with blonde hair, whose yearbook picture you used to carry in your wallet. After that, I made lame attempts to emulate her style, corduroy jackets and Abercrombie scarves - semiconsciously I thought that maybe I could win you back if I looked like her.

I guess the first turning point in our relationship would be the night in November when I got sick from too many screwdrivers, had my heart hurt by another boy, and in my drunken stupor demanded that you take care of me. This will be an image of you that never leaves – the boy who came to my rescue. All I wanted was you, and for once, I got it. And although the details are fuzzy, I would say that around this time we became friendly again. Or maybe it was just always going to shows together – we weren’t friends but I didn’t hate you either. Until the time you broke my heart again, in a more serious way.

To be honest, I don’t even know what it was that made me think this was a good idea. I don’t know how I got to be so gutsy, but I guess I felt that it was now or never. You were going to college and I was in the midst of an emotionally harmful “relationship.” I had heard you just broke up with your girlfriend, the one with the scarf. Maybe I had a chance? We sat outside my house, in your car, for such a long time that night, and I poured my heart out to you, persuading you that we should be together, be a couple. I sincerely forget every detail of the conversation, except being rejected.

Now we are together. I made many more pleas, and eventually we just came together. Figured that after so many years, the feelings that had stayed between us must be real. Still though, these are my favorite memories. They’re painful, but maybe I am a misogynist, because I love to recount in my head the turmoil we went through before we actually became a couple. Something about having to work so hard, something about how I never became too discouraged. Something about the hunt. “What comes easy never stays.” I hope you stay.

springtime first kisses

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 20:40:00 -0400

We met at the end of my sr year in high school. He lived next door to another guy whom I had made out with a few times, they were best friends. Turned out the first guy had a girl friend who was in france for the semester. That was a nice surprise when she came back.

Even though it was over with the first guy I still hung out at his place every chance I had. A big group of us spent the spring hanging out in the back yard using the hot tub and having bon fires.

My crush was a year younger than most of us and very shy. I think it was his shy awkward personality along with his glasses that made me develop a crush on him. His friends could tell I had a crush on him and one night they all quietly went into the house and left the two of us alone outside.

We laid down on the trampoline, it was a mild spring night and the sky was clear with stars shining brightly. I could tell he was nervous and to be honest I was a little too. I knew that if I didn’t make the first move that he never would. I took a deep breath, leaned towards him and gave him his first kiss.

backseat journal

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 20:36:00 -0400

Do you ever think that someone out there has the perfect match for your lips? And by this I mean that your lips seem to connect in the most accurate, smoothest, and sexiest way possible. Well I think I found these “magic” lips. The words i’ve described them as are only the beginning. This person is the most amazing kisser i’ve ever met.

Every kiss has so much passion and always seems to get things going in a certain direction. This direction usually leads to the backseat of my car due to lack of privacy anywhere else. As we continue to make out and feel each other up and down, we tint my windows with a light fog very similar to the scene in the “Titanic”. This gives us all the privacy we need. She gets on top of me and begins to ride me in a way I didnt know possible.

After lots of moaning and “freaky” talk we both seem to finish at the same time. As we look around there are handprints all over the back window, mostly from me not being able to contain myself and just wanting to rip the roof off from my car. We look at each other in the eyes and just smile. I tell her how beautiful she is and she kisses me like theres no tomorrow. Then she tells me I’m amazing and then I kiss her like theres no tomorrow. Its an awesome cycle that never gets boring and continues to boggle my mind all day.

Im hoping one day these “Backseat Journals” can take a turn into the bedroom because a seatbelt in my ass is getting really old.

moanin'

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 12:02:00 -0400

It was early september the first time I met him. All I can remember is the immediate smile that was plastered on my face after talking to him. He was very cute..blonde hair, blue eyes, great teeth, and a good body, the kind of guy im into. Instantly I was attracted to him but couldnt do much about it at the time. When I had the chance to hang out with him in february…of course I took it. We went to a party together, got drunk and hung off one another all night. The first time he kissed me was in the bathroom because it was the only place we could be alone at the time, he had THE most amazing lips I had ever kissed. We ended up sleeping in the same bed but not much happened.

After that night we started hanging out more and more. One morning he came over to hang out for a little while before he went to work. As we were sitting on the couch making out things started to get a little hot and heavy and lead upstairs to my bedroom. I started kissing him, up and down his body, and to his “member”. As he starts moaning, it motivates me more to do it the best I can. He becomes anxious and says that he wants me right now, so I got naked and climbed on top. As we went at it I could hardly contain myself with all the sexy moans and faces he was making, he was driving me crazy! So of course when it was over I couldn’t wait to do it again.

We started to do it more.. when and where ever we could. It seams like everytime we do it that it gets better, after it happens I sit there thinking ,there is no way it can get better than this, and each time he never fails to prove me wrong. After each time he leaves me wanting more.

This guy is not just great for the sex though, I mean dont get me wrong it is great, but I also have never met a guy that can make me laugh as hard as he can about absolutely nothing. He also plays guitar and sings, but only sings sometimes when I really beg him, but he is fantastic he just doesnt realize it. He plays sports like golf and basketball and is really good at what he does which means he is driven and I love that, but what I really like about him is that my time with him is never boring. I dont think we have ever even had a dull moment together, and I think fun in a relationship is the most important part.

drinking away my nerves

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 03:48:00 -0400

i have this bad habit of getting nervous around crushes i have. to the point where i’ll get myself painfully drunk just so that i don’t feel how nervous i actually am. i can’t count how many times i’ve done this.

which would all be fine if i was able to keep myself composed when i do this, however i don’t. one of my more hilarious examples of this was actually with my current boyfriend. he and i had been friends for awhile, and i had just realized that i was interested in him as more than a friend, and i suspected he was beginning to think of me that way too. somehow, we planned to watch jurassic park at my apartment one weekend after we both went to different parties.

i was anticipating our hangout, and drank myself quite ridiculous that night, drinking upwards of 2 bottles of wine by myself. i knew i wanted to make a move on him, but wasn’t sure if i’d have the nerve without the wine.

well, back at my apartment, watching jurassic park, our hands touched and next thing i knew we were finally kissing, and it ruled. uh oh- my stomach suddenly was very unhappy with me. i flew off the couch and into the bathroom to puke my brains out for a minute or so. after brushing my teeth i sheepishly returned to the living room.

because i’d brushed my teeth, he didn’t care and was very sweet about it. i threw up a couple more times, but we continued to kiss because my teeth and breath remained minty as hell. he spent the night and we snuggled and he rubbed my upset stomach.

first boyfriend

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 03:39:00 -0400

He is my first boyfriend. I met him at a school dance last year. My best friend had a class with him, and she became good friends with him, which is partially why I got to know him better. He was on my bus freshman year, so I kinda knew him, but it wasn’t until the Harvest Fair in our town this past fall that I really got to know him. I was the one who made the first move. I offered him a ride home. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it was a start.

I started hanging out with him, and we went to a football game together. At the time he didn’t know I was crushing on another guy. He figured out that he liked me at the game. I got the impression the next week that he was crushing on me. Four days after I found out that he liked me, I asked him out. We’ve been going out ever since.

long distance surprises

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 12:40:00 -0400

His girlfriend had dumped him. His sister lived in my dorm. The sister told him he should come over and visit me. We were both dog lovers, so we already had something in common.

There were no big fireworks. I was a party girl and he was the shy, studious type. He was just a nice guy to talk to. We became good friends and the love blossomed from there. One of his great features was his sense of humor.

After college, we both moved back home, 4 hours apart. I wasn’t sure if the relationship would continue and was really sad about it, but we kept in touch. One night after getting ready for bed at my mother’s house, he called on the phone and asked if I wanted to go out for a drink. I responded with a “ya, sure”, knowing he was playing a joke on me. 5 minutes later he showed up at my door. What a total surprise!!! I really knew he was special after that.

20 some years later, he is my husband and still my best friend. Whenever we go to our college reunions, everyone is so happy to see how much we still love each other.

shy crushes

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 01:41:00 -0400

I was always really shy and up until college I think I had only asked out like one girl ever, who said no so I’d never had a girlfriend or been on a date or anything. For college I went to an engineering school where there hardly any girls. But this one time I had an electronics class in college and was this smoking hot girl in the class. When it came time for us to pick our lab partners I just walked over and sat next to her. She looked at me and smiled: it was settled, we’d be working together all term. I felt so lucky.

I wanted to ask her out or say something but I could never muster the courage. We worked together on various projects and labs and just sort of spent a lot of time together. She was a really nice girl, she smiled a lot. I think she had a boyfriend because I think I saw her holding hands with a guy once on campus. But we never talked about our personal lives, just class, so I was never sure. The class ended and we only talked once after that. I think she switched out of engineering.

This took place years ago but somethings I remember like it was yesterday. Probably because it was one of the happiest times in my life so I’ve been careful to keep these memories.

"the" crush

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 10:35:00 -0400

It started out as most of them do. A casual glance, a smile and then she was gone for a few days. I spent those first few days in a kind of fogged world thinking about her smile, her hair and the way the crush pops in and out of your mind when you least expect it to. One day she was back and the glance, the smile and now a brief conversation. She was more than I had imagined in my dreams of the past few days. Her smile, her hair, the way she teased me with her eyes and a summer body with a wonderful tan that I couldn’t get enough of.

A crush is like a fire, it starts out small and like a fire can die out if you don’t add fuel to it. The fuel was all there for this crush. It was summer by the lake, we were young and full of adventure without a care in the world and all I wanted to do was be with her and kiss her lips. The crush is also fueled by a sense of adventure, and passion and the passion was running deep. You always remember the kiss, the first time you touch her and the feelings that run through you body.

You also hope that you can slow time down so things don’t end and this summer was no exception. One day I asked her if she would like to go for a ride to a place I knew. It was a sunny warm day when we started off for our little adventure. The river had a waterfalls that you could swim under and a nice place to swim. It also had some wonderful woods and a few big fields where we spent the afternoon under the sun enjoying and exploring our passion and youth.

A crush, you bet and the best kind because 34 year later I still get excited just thinking about her.

bald spots and butterflies.

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 17:02:00 -0400

i always got crushes on guys when i thought they had crushes on me. rarely did i ever have a crush spontaneously appear if i wasn’t almost sure he was crushing on me. and that’s why i liked him. i was almost positive that he wanted me too. and my friends that saw us interact thought so too. ashley was actually the one who convinced me to go after him when she assured me that it was a sure thing.

i’d known him through mutual friends for awhile, maybe a couple of years? i don’t remember anymore, and at this point it’s irrelevant. one of the things i thought was super endearing about him was this bald spot he had, slowly growing on the top of his head. i was dying to rub it and make out with him. maybe i’m weird.

regardless, i was sure he was into me, and when he came to my birthday party (i was wasted, obviously), he kissed me goodbye. i should have asked him to stay with me that night, i still regret that. after he left i ran into my roommates room and jumped on her bed and yelled excitedly about it for a few minutes. i’d hoped he’d already left our building, because if he hadn’t i’d be willing to bet he heard me.

then some bullshit happened, like it always does and nothing came from it right away. he got a girlfriend and i wasn’t looking for a boyfriend in the first place, although i was still bummed about it. we hooked up much later on, and to be honest, it was quite anti climatic. whenever i see him though, i still get some funny queasy feelings in my stomach about him - butterflies, i guess.

the boy with the bike lock he'll never lock up

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 16:52:00 -0400

I had started a new job in the city i had lived in for a few years. It was a new beginning, I was meeting new people. I was spending a lot of time there. He caught my eye when we were working. Actually, it was his stupid faux hawk that caught my eye. I didnt care, really, so i waited until we locked eyes for a minute. We did. Did i smile? I dont remember waving or anything. Heck, i didnt even know him.

The next time i saw him was the first time we talked. It was outside our work. I was on a quick cigarette break and he was leaving for the night. He left his bike outside during work. By the employee smoking area. Its a really nice bike and he has a bike lock for it, but he would never use it. I had found our prior to this that he intentionally leaves his bike unlocked for his respect in human nature. He left his trust in the hands of strangers, basically. This is what won me over. His theory was crazy but it was a person i wanted to befriend.

He walks out the door and past me. I think i caught his glance to see who i was. We avoided hellos, i was always the shy one with boys and i wasnt sure if he remembered me or not. He walked back my way, maybe he forgot something inside? But he stopped next to me. We exchanged “hey“‘s and names and made small talk. I stayed, i was almost done with my cigarette. I figured i could use that as my excuse to stay and talk to him as much as possible, if he asked. Though i figured he wouldnt. He stayed but im not sure why. We shared a strange comforting silence in-between topics to talk about. Like we had been friends already. It wasnt a long conversation and my cigarette had been out for a few minutes now, but it was his eyes and i couldnt look away. Theyre blue, i remember. That was the moment he won me over. Maybe i creeped him out or maybe i was being respectful to his story about whatever the heck he was saying. I wasnt paying attention. I was too distracted by how much i wanted to get to know him more, but more importantly kiss him. Was i allowed to just cut him off in the middle of a sentence, walk up to him and just kiss him? Simply because its what i felt. I convinced myself that was absolutely crazy and we said our goodbyes. He got on his bike and i went back to work.

It was a few days later and we had plans to hang out with mutual friends. It was a fun night of seeing a band, going to the local dive bar near my house and later returning to my apartment. After everyone went to bed or left to go home we ended up on the porch together. Thanks to my embarrassing habit of smoking cigarettes and an excuse to talk without waking the roommates. It must have been an hour or two. It felt like more as a result of all the jack and ginger’s i consumed earlier. It was a night too cold for the beginning of spring, we headed inside. We sat on my bed and talked for what seemed like another hour or two. 5 am rolled around and i asked him to stay the night. I didnt want him to have to catch a long, expensive cab ride home and i wanted a body to sleep next to. It had been a while. I had no plans of kissing him, making out or anything further that that. Or rather, none of that was even on my mind. We were under the blankets and we were tired. He was rubbing his feet together non stop. I cracked a cheesy joke about it. Was he nervous? Or was it a weird habit he’s always had? We laid as close to each other without touching. I’m not sure why, i wasnt worried about it. I was just so excited to be with him. Instead, he grabbed my feet with his. “Theyre cold!” he said. “warm them up then” i responded. I doubt he could catch my smile in the darkness, but if he did it was because I fell asleep to him rubbing our feet together.

Ive never been a hand holding kind of person anyway.

she titled this "puppy love"

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 13:58:00 -0500

So, I’m 12, with my very first boyfriend in 7th grade, and we were going on a double date to the movies. Imagine small town, 1970, and walking two miles each way to go on the date. We went with another couple, and the boys walked in front of Patty and I. (we giggled and followed behind)

Anyway, we get to the movies, (a beautiful old theater) and sit in the front row of the balcony. I walk into the aisle first, and Jim sits next to me, I am sweaty with the anticipation of sitting next to my guy, in the dark, for an extended period of time; we see cartoons before the feature (yes, they really used to show cartoons!) and then…the feature presentation…101 Dalmations!!!! (another cartoon!!)

I was on top of the world, well upstairs anyway, and just thinking things couldn’t get better, but then Jim did the yawn, and put his arm across the back of the seat, resting on my shoulder, I thought I would melt! We sat that way for the entire movie, and then the extra feature, a live-action film (from Disney also) with bears and raccoons…I don’t remember the name of it…

Anyway cut to the chase, we decide to ‘sneak’ and stay for the second showing, seeing both movies all over again (making the date last even longer) and right before 101 Dalmations was ready to start AGAIN, Jim looked at me, and I thought, oh! maybe this might be it! (the KISS) and he says, ‘Can we change seats?, my arm is really getting tired.’ We had sat stiff as boards for the entire TWO movies, and then changed seats, and sat that way for the movies all over again!

Oh to capture that innocence again.

lol, carol?

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 16:41:00 -0500

For many people the first day of their freshman year of highschool is very exciting, for others it is the TOTAL opposite. I would fit well into the “TOTAL opposite” category. I walked to school with a childhood friend the first day of highschool, I had always been the nervous one, to this day my friends refer to me as “the Voice of Reason”. I was and still am the one that always decides if what we are going to do is a good idea or not, needless to say i’m usually right. But any way so myself and my friend are walking to school, i’m scared as fuckkkk I had heard what happens to freshman, i was sure i was gunna be the outcast, get my ass kicked, etc etc. So we get like 1/4 way to school and I all of a sudden dont feel so good, and proceed to puke my orange juice allllll over the local fire station. I wipe my mouth and she and I continue on our way to school.

I get through homeroom and all that shit, get my schedule and start my classes. Well it was all pretty boring until i get to 4th period Biology, the teacher is a fat cow that stands about 4 foot nothing, not that bad of a chick, but she could be a bitch if she wanted to be. About 30 seconds into my first biology class of highschool, I realize that my life will never ever be the same again. This girl walks in, at the risk of sounding like a total emo kid, i will admit that i said to myself ” that is the girl I am going to marry”. As if my day couldn’t get any better, the teacher has her sitting at the same 2 person table as me.

For this story we will call her “Carol”, so Carol and I start shootin the shit, and we both knew we were into eachother. I had never met Carol nor had I ever even seen her, turns out she came from the local Catholic school. She was like the kind of girl every skrawny freshman dreams of, she was a cheerleader, and that meant she had an AMAZING body (ok not all cheerleaders are stacked like her but you get my point). Well we start talking over the course of the next few days, and after a few days we are an “item”.

Unfortunatly that was short lived, we got into a quarrel and we went our seperate ways. A couple days later, I find out that whore already has a new boyfriend, and he happens to be one of my new friends. So im like fuck her im going to go find myself a new girl, that didnt work out too well. A few weeks pass and it comes time for the annual “homecoming” bonfire, well I see Carol and her new main squeeze there and they have the fucking audacity to ask me if I have a condom. I think to myself “if I cant hit that, I am not letting this kid hit it either”. Even though I did, I wasn’t giving that mother up, what if I was to score some tail, I would have no barrier.

I also knew that if I didnt have some contraception, that I wasnt gunna have a good chance of getting laid, as most highschool girls unlike a girl I dated later in highschool (that is a killer story for another contri) arent interested in getting baby gravy spackled in their cervix’s.

Lucky for me Carol and goof ball dont last long either, and she immediatly starts to try to get back with me, after about 4 hours of playing hard to get, we are back together and choking eachother with our tongues after school. See you would think that she would be the conservative type coming from a catholic school and all, I was quickly proven wrong, this bitch was a freak. As the weeks go on we pretty much just hang out once in a while and I would go see her at football games and what not. Until January 21st, thats when shit got real interesting, my parents has gone to Florida for a Xerox conference. So naturally I had Carol over for some cuddling and movie watching.

Needless to say I dont know what movie we watched, primarily because I didnt watch it. Knowing that my parents were gone my friends came over and I had to give them the “get the fuck out, i’m trying to get laid” talk, they understood and they left. Not before they hid a video camera in my living room. Well I immediatly saw it, and being the young, nice guy I was I told her about it and we turned it off. Note: If this were to happen today, or even a year after this incident I would have been helping them hide the camera better so she would never see it, but I was a bitch then and she was my first love I didnt want to hurt her or ruin things with her…..blahhh blahh blahhhh baaa blahhh blahhh blahhh.

That was the day we took things to the next level, thank fucking god because I was sick of her blue ballin me all the time. We proceeded to undue eachothers pants and insert our hands into them as we made out. This was the first time that I had inserted my fingers into a vagina, without first begging the girl to let me (the first time was with the neighborhood skank, in which I had set up an appointment to finger, come to find out i was not the only one to insert 4 of my fingers in her wet spot, infact like every one of my friends including her cousin had been in there ((grossssss))).

This encounter with Carol was also the first time a girl had tugged on my penis, and let me tell you I thought I was the coolest person ever. Nothing more happened after that, we actually broke up a few months later. The usaul trend would go something like this, We would date then break up, then date again, then break up then date.

Like the 10th and final time we dated was our junior year which also happpened to be the year I made a grave mistake. I took Carol on the family trip to Myrtle Beach, which was a great time, it was a great time inpart because shortly before we left she had started giving me head, which was a first for me and one vacation she serviced my member quite a bit. This also sparked my hatred for handjobs, I found out pretty quick that no girl could do what I could do myself better than I could. Though Carol was a freak, she held her bullshit catholic values pretty dear to her heart, and refused to have sex with me, always giving bullshit excuses like many girls. The worst excuse was the religion excuse, I myself am and primarily always have been a hardcore atheist, so I called shenannigans on that excuse.

Also she refused to let me preform oral sex on her, because she feared she would want me inside of her immediatly afterward, which she was right, thats usaully how it goes. Needless to say that bitch broke up with me a week after we returned. After a day or two of feeling sorry for myself I let it go and we never had an encounter again until one july night the summer after we graduated, when i just happened to have the most serious girlfriend i have ever had.

I felt bad for cheating on her but my friends encouraged it and i said “fuck it” and went over to her house while her parents were at the lake. Come to find out the girl I was dating was in the nicest terms possible “a loosely moraled girl” and cheated on me like 30 times literally ( I will write a story about her, that will be a good one trust me!) For the most part that is the story of Carol, I never did have sex with her, and to this day I wish like hell I had.

sounds like a cave romance

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 03:45:00 -0500

If I was a little older it wouldn’t have happened the same way. But after twenty years of always being “the friend”, I had learned to doubt that any girl would ever have feelings for me. Which is not to say that girls never liked me, in fact, for the first time in my life more than one girl liked me, but I was slow to notice this. I was too used to these painful one-sided crushes. Also I was dating your best friend.

Oh god, I swear it wasn’t like that at all. I’m not, nor have I ever been, that guy. It’s just that, well, your best friend was crazy. But you knew this. In fact you warned me that it was always going to be a struggle and it would never be like I wanted. Remember the night we met? We were hanging out with you and your boyfriend and she ignored me and talked to him the entire night. I stormed out. I remember when I left you gave me this look of sympathy and then shot daggers at her.

And it wasn’t like I was still dating her. I had ended it upwards of a week prior. And it wasn’t like I didn’t have every right to end it, I mean hell, she was consulting me about what guys she should ask out, while we were on a date! And so what if you and I were hanging out late at night, alone in your room? We were both studying, it was perfectly innocent. I was sitting on your bed and you were laying on your bed. And then all of a sudden you rested your head on my lap. And I started squirming because I didn’t want you to notice that I had just popped a boner. You see, I had developed a little crush on you, but until that moment I didn’t think that you were being anything more
than friendly.

“Hey, remember when you told me that you have a lot of inappropriate crushes?” I asked. “Yeah.” “Was one of them me?” You squealed and hid your face in your pillow. I tried to get you to look at me, but you just squirmed and hid even more. I waiting a minute. “How long?” I asked. “Inappropriately long,” came your muffled reply. Obviously I was shy, or otherwise I would have just made a move on you and not asked you anything in the first place. But instead I had asked. And then I put my arms around you and we just lay there. Oh also I had asked if I could spend the night because it was late and I was pretending that I didn’t know that the bus that picked up down the street ran twenty-four hours. So we got undressed and went to bed and I kissed you and you didn’t so much kiss me back as sort of let me kiss you while having this look of absolute fear on your face. We knew what was going to happen. We knew how she would react.

The next morning we got up and lay around watching TV in each others’ arms. Whenever a roommate would walk in, we would quickly disentangle and swear that nothing was going on and it wasn’t what it looked like. At some point I said I had to go to a potluck I was invited to. “No, you’re not,” you said. So I didn’t. But then I had to go to work. “No, you’re not,” you said. So I didn’t go to work either. We just lay there on her couch cuddling and kissing and trying not to think about how your best friend would react.

We saw each other in secret for a while. Eventually your best friend put two and two together and cursed at me and told me you would just break my heart (never mind that she just broken it herself). You two didn’t speak for a while but that didn’t last long. I felt guilty, but at the same time I was too happy to feel too bad, and I would remind myself how badly she had treated me and then I felt better.

Your best friend was right though. You did kinda sorta break my heart. It turned out you were terrified of commitment, but you sort of strung me along until finally I had to break it off. Looking back, it probably wasn’t a very good match anyway, and I probably mostly liked you because you were stunningly good looking and you did this cutesy shy thing that really got me. But I still have fond memories of us just laying there together, not doing anything, just holding each other. That might have been the happiest and most content I had ever felt.

the one that got away.

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 03:39:00 -0500

i could talk about you forever, but i won’t.

there are so many reasons that you were unbelievably important to my life and the person i’ve become, but i feel like anything i say will sound trite and honestly, expected.

but what you should know is that you were epic. when people refer to their “great loves,” you will ALWAYS be mine. i’ve never even had to think twice about it.

something about sweaty summer nights and smoking weed in your dads ford bronco. and everything we should have said, but we never did.

and the fact that neither one of us ever had to say we loved each other to just know.

i should have known when on our first date we watched fireworks.

lying on that blanket, holding hands and sharing a joint. i hope i’m your “great love” too. the one you tell your grandkids about.

“the girl that got away”

run.

first times

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 03:49:00 -0500

I was little bit older than she was, but even I was still very young. I don’t even remember how we met, and that isn’t important. It probably had something to do with internet.

We’d been hanging out and doing whatever all summer. I was about to go away to school so we’d decided not to get too serious. It was a good idea, but it didn’t work. We spent a lot of time doing things that our parents wouldn’t have approved of. Lots of blow jobs and cigarettes.

It had been a few months now, most of the summer, and we still hadn’t had sex. I’d only done it once before and I think she’d only done a few times. Or with a few people. I don’t really remember, and it isn’t that important. It was the night of the blackout, though. Remember? When half of the eastern seaboard was without power?

It was a Thursday. I know that. I know that because my friends and I always went to this stupid dance club on Thursdays. It was a place where we were allowed to be drunk, and we were kids, so being drunk meant stupid dancing was okay. I had gone this time, but I drove. So I didn’t drink. I was upset, too. There was no reason to be there without beers inside of me. She was on vacation, an hour away, so I called her. She was home. Alone. Her parents had sent her home to make sure that the house was okay, and she was going to go back the next morning. We’d have the house to ourselves! We could go down on one another in peace! In the living room!

I left my drunk friends to take cabs home and rushed to her house. I was excited to see her. Honestly. I don’t know if we were ever truly in love, but I did love to be with her. We were kids. We embraced and made out on the couch for what seemed to be hours. In between wet kisses and hurried breaths, we’d say a few words. Eventually, she stopped kissing me and gave me a strange look. She wanted to say something, but I guess she didn’t know how to say it. Or maybe she knew how she wanted to say it, but realized how silly it sounded. Either way, I could tell she wanted to say something, so I said, “What?” And her reply is something I’ll never forget.

“I kinda wanna hump.”

It was so cute and funny, yet it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now? Our first time? Right here and now? Okay. I was anxious. I ran to the car to get a condom from the glove compartment. I don’t know why they were there, but they were. I came back and she’d laid blankets all over the living room floor. I still don’t know why we didn’t do it on the couch or in her room or her parents’ room. It seemed like it would have made sense, but I don’t think I cared. We turned out the lights and got undressed the same way we had hundreds of times before, but this time I was nervous. Only a little bit. Maybe a lot. I don’t remember.

It was awkward. A bit. Eventually, the condom broke and we had to stop. I don’t really remember what we did after that. I don’t think I spent the night.

That summer, we said the L word and then we stayed together through my first semester away at school. We had sex a bunch of times after that, and I hope that they were all better than that one time.